Self Management Skills
To Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence

Authored by William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.

Self management skills come straight out of self love and self esteem. It's not a matter of forcing yourself to do anything you don't want to do.

Your self is the vehicle you use to do everything you do. Managing yourself is as basic to life as managing your motor vehicle is for getting safely to your destination on a road trip.

Get started now on building your skills, following the four steps outlined in this image below, with further detail below on this page.

Self Management Skills

The Four Areas Of Self Management Skills

We start and end with the basics here. Sandwiched in between breathing and relaxation on one end and physical well being on the other, you will find the meatier subjects of emotional healing and self motivation.

All four of these areas are essential, however. Leave one out, and all of the others will suffer as a result. Caring for your physical body and its basic processes is just as important as plumbing the depths of your soul and figuring out how to soothe and motivate yourself.

Let's launch this process that will lead you to the success and happiness you're looking for.

Breathing and Relaxation

  • This is step one to your self management skills. If your breathing is shallow and/or irregular, everything else you try to achieve will be more difficult.
  • Diaphragmatic breathing is an excellent tool. Simply lie on the floor, inhale deeply while expanding an imaginary upside down bowl inside your rib cage, hold for a couple of seconds, then exhale naturally. Repeat this 10-15 times once a day, and you'll start to feel more calm and less stressed.
  • Another deep breathing exercise is one that Dr. Andrew Weil calls "the best treatment for anxiety that he has ever used" with his patients. Once or twice each day, 1) Breathe rapidly in and out through your nose to the count of sixty. Build up to this slowly, so that you don't hyperventilate. 2) Next, breathe in slowly to the count of four, hold that  breath to the count of seven, then exhale through your mouth to the count of eight. Repeat step 2) four or five times.
  • Learn and practice progressive relaxation. The Nurturing Your Inner Child audiobook will walk you through this each time you listen, in addition the many other self management skills it provides.

These are tools you can practice any time, anywhere, but to get the maximum focus and benefit, it would be ideal to do them as part of your workout or meditation routine.

The more you do them, the more natural and automatic they will become. You will find it easier and easier to breathe in a deep, slow, relaxing manner.

Emotional Healing

Why is this part of learning self management skills? Because unresolved emotional issues from your past are like a constant irritant in the background, until you take care of them.

Here is an overview of the process:

  • Any current anxiety, anger, worry or depression is coming from emotional wounds that need healing. When you heal those old wounds, you're eliminating the causes of your current emotional issues.
  • Inner child imagery is the most effective tool for emotional healing that I've found, in my 40+ years of counseling. Learn more about this powerful process here.
  • Revisiting and revising emotional memories in this way will give you energy, emotional freedom and self esteem for moving forward.
  • The ultimate reward of inner child work and emotional healing is a positive relationship with yourself. You've probably noticed that wherever you go, there you are...wouldn't it be great to like what you take with you everywhere?

This gets rid of the background noise, so that you can move on to the next steps of self motivation and physical health.

Self Motivation and Physical Well Being

These two areas of self management skills are important enough to have their own separate web pages. So, I'll cover the highlights here, and you'll find links below to go further into these dynamic and essential aspects of emotional intelligence.

Here's an overview, to get you started:

  • Self motivation -- When you decide to 1) be a good friend to yourself, 2) learn positive affirmations that are specifically targeted to your unique needs, 3) develop a powerful habit of positive self talk, and 4) master the skills of mental rehearsal, you will be well on your way to motivating yourself to reach all of your goals successfully.
  • Physical well being -- This is such a big subject, and it's included here because it is a central benefit of self management and self motivation. When you develop a positive relationship with your body and with food, you will start exercising regularly in a natural and easy way. And although it may be hard at first, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Ultimately, you will learn to create and maintain a positive vision  for yourself, and your new, healthy positive habits and self management skills will naturally and easily follow.

Also learn to apply your self management skills to work, money management, and your professional success.

"The key to self management is self love, and the best way to love yourself is to work with the image and idea of your inner child."

William DeFoore

Inner Child

Nurturing Your Inner Child

One of the greatest tools for your inner journey of self healing and self help motivation is imagery. The Nurturing Your Inner Child audio program guides you on this journey, using imagery and positive self talk to give you the positive relationship with yourself you have always wanted.

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